January 2011
2 posts
My Dic-Tater-Ship Starts Here. Day 20.
WARNING, THIS POST CONTAINS TATER TOTS.
Or as they are known in england ” Potato Crunchies”
I think I was supposed to have more of the potato crunchies (I feel like a kids TV presenter who cant use brand names in case of being sued. “use your long crisp tube like this”) but my little brother got a bit hungry and decided to help himself. I hope they tasted like oily bits...
I Do Not Feel Like. Day 19.
First up, let me apologise for the massive lack of posting. Won’t go on about it too much, but I have had alot on my plate (unfortunately none of it good food) so this blog had to take a bit of a back seat.
Anyway, onwards.
What a bowl.
I mean, I can’t knock the bread. It was good bread, some sort of tomato based wheat treat. So for once, Good move mother. Have one high five on...
September 2010
1 post
Forget The Chicken. Day 18.
Cooking instructions :
1. Remove all moisture from everything on plate
2. Ensure that meal is at a ratio of 2 orange to 1 brown.
3. Serve and Enjoy.
Thought I would let you into my mothers secret recipe for this particular dish, make sure that you try out this popular home cooked speciality.
As you can see, it is Waffles, Two sausages and four chicken nuggets. Any other human would...
August 2010
3 posts
Into the pink. Day 17.
We had a BBQ, I say we, I wasn’t actually present for it as I was at work, but I was saved some BBQ food to reheat after work.
It was all going swimmingly until the last item on the plate, the sausages. They looked ok from the outside but little did I know that they held within them a terrible secret.
As you can see (unless you are blind and are accessing this on a brail enabled...
One Boy One Bowl. Day 16.
“Its curry” - The Mother.
Honestly, what more can I say? What possible description can I give this mess?
Pre cut cubes of chicken served in the brightest curry sauce ever witnessed on this earth, thrown into a bowl from about 30,000ft and then served up to me. Awesome, just what I needed to cap off my day.
Just to clarify, I don’t eat rice. So normally when we have curry...
The Letters That Spell. Day 15.
Potato letters.
I feel a new low has been hit in the pressed potato shape market. First smiley faces and stars, then Tweenie shapes (honest to god I’ve had them) and now potato letters. At least these ones are slightly educational, because lets face it if you didn’t know your alphabet the first place you would think to look is in the frozen section at Iceland.
Also in attendance...
July 2010
5 posts
I Shall Be A Wise Man. Day 14.
Its shepherd’s pie. Obviously.
Im not sure if this is how yours looks when you have it, but this is a pretty standard Shepherds pie in this household. Now with beans! Lucky us.
It tastes sort of like I imagine a shepherds pie should. With meat. And mash (lumpy). And cheese on top.
My brother will only eat shepherds pie if all the ingredients are separated on the plate. So he will...
Drain The Colour. Day 13.
Now, im going to warn you before you see this picture. That way you have ample time to ready your sick bags. Ready?
Good, here goes.
I warned you, didn’t I?
Now then, the question is “what the hell is that?” and truthfully, if I had not asked the mother I too would not know. Apparently, according to the jar of sauce, it is creamy potato gratin. I presume the potatoes...
Behold, The Brown God. Day 12.
Sorry all these updates are taking me so long, I keep meaning to update more often but always find myself strapped for time. Anyway, onto this feast!
What can I say? It looks like a plate of ingredients. No longer is my mother even bothering to prepare the food, she just gives me the basics and lets me work with it. How thoughtful of her. I suppose at least this way I also foot some of the...
Getting the Sweats. Day 11.
SURPRISE QUIZ!
Are A) the burgers huge? or B) the waffles tiny?
The correct answer is B. Tiny Waffles.
(Well done to anyone that got that answer, you win a collectable shoe horn, Hazzah!)
So yes, Tiny cheese flavoured waffles, except they tasted nothing like cheese. Got to love those Lie Flavoured waffles. Mmmm Mmmm! Anyway, moving on from the tiny squares of deceit we also have two...
Old Enemies. Day 10.
First off, I must apologise for the total lack of updates recently. I’ve been finishing off various bits and bobs and have not had the time to update. I have however still been taking pictures of what I eat so that I can update lots now, don’t you worry!
Ahhh, New potatoes. My old foe. Those who have read previous posts will have seen this sorry plate before. Potatoes and a slice of...
June 2010
9 posts
Cover It In Bread Crumbs and Hope. Day 9.
When my mother first arrived home and said “look what I got for dinner” I was immediately worried, I knew it would be something bright and garish. My mother is like a shopping magpie, the amount of things she has brought home with her for us to eat on the premise the packaging looked nice is astounding. (She once decided to buy some polish food because it looked good, even though...
The View From the Top. Day 8.
I know what you are thinking “why that looks like a fine dinner” and yes, yes it does.
It looks edible, and in all fairness, it sort of was.
It was one of the better dinners i must admit. Saying that, those who have read all of the Blogs up to this one will have started to notice a fairly obvious trend in the veg department. Potatoes, Peas, Carrots. Apparently serving them in...
All Your Brown. Day 7.
So after last nights overdose of orange, tonight my mother brings me part deux in her colour wheel dining.
If only the Italians knew where they were going wrong with their meatballs for all these years, the trick is to make sure they are balanced really badly on top of the spaghetti and to cover them in the thinnest sauce that you can find.
Lets have a close up shall we?
Im pretty sure...
A Lack Of Brown. Day 6.
So much orange, so little time.
We had a BBQ yesterday, so my mother decided to make some pasta out of the unused materials for dinner today. How very Blue Peter of her.
She decided that since we had already had our fair share of brown this week it was time for some good old fashioned orange. Sometimes I worry what my insides will look like when I die.
Either way, this dinner was not the...
A Matter Of Perspective. Day 5.
I know what you are thinking, this dinner doesnt actually look too bad.
Its got meat (although it is the thinnest piece of meat known to man) Its got potatoes, some carrots, and some peas, and more peas, and even more peas …….so so so many peas.
More peas than a man can ever eat, I think.
The proportion of peas to other foods is astounding, I know I complained that my mother only...
Eat. Live. Repeat. Day 4
Anyone who has ever come to my house on a friday knows one thing.
Friday night is pizza night.
Every Friday for as long as i can remember we have had pizza and chips for dinner.
There was a time when the pizza was burnt more often than not, however in recent years my mother has got the art of pizza cooking down to a fine art and now most weeks we actually have one night of edible food. Im...
French Cuisine. Day 3.
So, today a french kid arrived. He is the exchange student that has been punished to a week in our house in return for taking my little brother away for a week some months ago.
I feel sorry for him, not only is he in a house with very little in the way of social normality, he is also going to be subjected to the mothers cooking, and he is french.
To make sure that his first meal was at least...
The Smell Of Hope. Day 2.
So, two days had passed since I was gifted with the most tasteless dinner ever served to a man, Things have not improved.
I returned home after yet another long day to the smell of cooking vegetables, and the sound of cooking. Thank the Gods! I thought, maybe she has gone all out and we are having some sort of steak, or at least something with flavour.
So I busied myself with other things,...
The First Supper. Day 1.
So this is the dinner that started it all.
Im going to be taking pictures of the food i am lovingly served by my mother, and generally discussing the effect both her cooking and her company are having on me.
So then, this meal. I had been at college, and then at a college performance since 8 in the morning, and finally got home at around 1 in the morning. So a pretty long day by any...